Hi everyone, I am new to this and my first time posting. I r

Hi everyone, I am new to this and my first time posting. I recently moved with my husband from CA to CT a few months ago. We have a little girl together and our marriage has been pretty good I think. In the past few weeks he has been really distant. He doesn't want to have sex as often. I do have a very high sex drive but he used to keep up with me pretty well. It is now to the point that we only do it once a week. I wear sexy lingerie for him, I shave, I keep the lawn clean, I am just not sure what is going on. I have tried speaking with him about it and he says there's nothing wrong with me that he is just tired. He did start a new job and I am curious as if he possibly met someone that he may be more attacted to. My mind is playing me games. I am beginning to feel insecure and beginning to have self esteem issues. He is only in his early 40s. I am not sure what I am trying to say but I have no one here, no friends, no family and feel very lonely.

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overcomer78's picture
[345]
Feb 17

@Innerturmoil I am trying to not go too much into graphic details here but he cums too fast. He never used to cum fast. He would take care of me before his needs and used to make it last longer because he was enjoying it so much. We used to never rush and now he just does almost to get his and forget me. I have pulled our toys out, we have ways of doing foreplay, we watched porn together, I am not sure if he was watching it alone which still wouldn't bother me since I also enjoy watching it on my own but he has changed towards me. Sure if I kneel down and begin sucking him he would get turned on but sometimes he doesn't and that's when I start thinking is he getting it from somewhere else?

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overcomer78's picture
[345]
Feb 17

@MorePositiveVibes I haven't' tried that approach. I think I will. Good idea, thank you.

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Innerturmoil's picture
[1545]
Feb 17

@overcomer78 Guys are funny though... sometimes we have trouble shutting off the switch in our head when we have stress.. It isn't that our partners isn't sexy or that we are not into it, but that our mind is stuck in work mode... I am not saying that this is definitely the case with yours, or that it isn't either... My wife is gorgeous... has an amazing body... she is intelligent and caries herself as a lady and faithful to a fault, yet in privet is a complete freak, will do just about anything barring others and porn. Most times I am into it thoroughly but there have been times in the past where we had our spells of not so steamy, and over active mind i.e. not peak performances, on my part... be it from either a quicky performance or when stressed he doesn't rise to the occasion... I never for a second stopped loving or thought my wife wasn't perfectly hot, it is just sometimes hard to shut off the work and we forget how our actions can affect our loved ones and sometimes become distant. At late-night, if he is tired he might just be doing it quickly to get to bed, because he knows it is a quick easy out without discussion... and doesn't want you to worry. We can speculate a thousand different scenarios, but what it comes down to is it is just that... speculation... The best thing to do would be to sit him down and have a conversation with him.... Do it at a time he is not on the run and there are no other distractions. Tell him you need some time to talk about something important. Be gentle and sweet, and ask him sincerely if he still is attracted to you, and let him know that you feel like he isn't interested in you lately and remind him of how hot your love life used to be together. Ask him what you guys could do to bring back some of the fire. Tell him you know he is going through a lot with work and is always busy and that is important but that you are important too... Let him know that you have been feeling really in need, and feeling lonely both at home and in the bedroom and that you miss spending time with him. Tell him that you want to feel important, and that he loves you... That you want to know that you are still his reason for breathing and that you want to do whatever it takes to please him. Then listen to what he says... This will either open his eyes, and make him realize how neglected you are feeling, or he will blow you off as needy and self absorbed, in which case you have your answer that he is either not into you/into someone else, in either case you have a tough decision on your hands about what to do... but at least you know where you stand... which is the start of making decisions... there is nothing worse than being trapped in limbo. If you are not a good speaker, when it comes to this kind of stuff, or he is overbearing and cuts you off a lot, try writing it down and tell him to read the whole thing, and to tell you how he feels afterward. Make him read it in front of you.

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